Mike has been a Pastor for about 40 years. Early in his career, a member of his congregation falsely and publicly accused him of misconduct.
His allies and friends advocated a variety of responses. Most advocated an aggressive public response. They urged him to respond in the spirit of his accuser, to meet fire with fire.
Instead, Mike responded with grace, courtesy, tact, civility, and without fanfare. He made no public defense, nor did he counterattack, even though his accuser had documented imperfections. In the course of time, the facts cleared Mike.
Mike is a leader I admire. He allowed me to share his story but not his real name. The truth stands on its own without him being known as the hero. I agree.
No one is perfect, not me, not Mike, and not you. For almost 40 years, I have admired him and often recalled his advice when someone attacks you: “Respond in the opposite spirit.”
When I followed his counsel, I appreciated the wisdom. Other times when I have responded as social media, talk radio, or most political channels do, I’ve usually felt disappointment, sadness, and /or shame. Mike’s counsel is to respond as Jesus might, and when I’ve followed his advice, things have worked out better.
Mike Was “An Old Soul.”
One dictionary says we use the term “old soul” to describe “a person, especially a child or young person, who demonstrates a maturity, understanding, or seriousness typical of someone much older:” When Mike was younger, you could describe him that way. Today, we just call him wise.
No one is born wise, patient, or humble. Some of us aspire to develop those traits, You learn endurance by suffering longer than seems possible. Humility comes from constant reminders that you are not as important or powerful as you seem to think. When you have had all you can and can’t take any more, well, there might be much more to come.
The old cartoon character Popeye would say, “I can’t take no more!” Then, Poof! His spinach-strengthened arms would do cartoon magic. It’s not that easy in real life. Frequently, life is hard, unbelievably hard. Yet some people respond with grace, acceptance, tolerance, confidence, and forgiveness. They don’t blow up, threaten, or harangue.
In contrast, some American idols attack, claim entitlement, complain, demand, pout, protest, threaten, etc. Many now want instant pleasure, always, without suffering or unfairness. That’s not the way the world works.
Do You Aspire To Be a Good Person?
David Brooks popularized the concept of “eulogy virtues” in his book, The Road to Character. They’re the qualities often highlighted in a person’s eulogy at their funeral. Among them are kindness, compassion, love, humility, integrity, courage, wisdom, generosity, and selflessness.
Eulogy values are earned by unglamorous tolerance for others’ benefit, loving the unlovable, and comforting people who have given up hope. Many of us aspire to these virtues. Hardly anyone enjoys the correction, discipline, purging, and transformation to earn those traits.
This blog is about legacy. A straightforward way to understand legacy is what people think, say, and do because of your influence. Neither of us wants to model hot-headed behavior, rash questions, or embarrass someone who is well-meaning but misinformed. Most of us would prefer to be known as people with the confidence to be gracious, compassionate, generous, and wise.
Fortunately, we can encounter role models who demonstrate what’s possible. Mike is one of mine. When someone attacks me or attempts to harm me, I try to follow his advice to “respond in the opposite spirit.”
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If you are fortunate enough to live another year, decade, or generation, what sort of person would you aspire to become that would enable you to better build others up?
You don’t need to mention any names, but please write a bit about some people who model the person you want to become.
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Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.”