This season often involves seeing and being around dozens of people we don’t see regularly. Some are a sheer delight to be with again. For some others, the delight was not seeing them weekly.
These days, I go to more memorials than weddings. That may be your experience, too.
Within the last few years, we’ve lost several people we cared about. Greg, a business peer who owned the building that ACI was in for 30 years, passed last month. A few months earlier, we lost Bryan, a friend and competitor who was a generation younger.
At least four others who challenged, entertained, and inspired me for a generation are no longer with us. Emmett, cancer researcher, lover of children, and adventurer, slipped out far too early. Two of my business partners passed. Margaret was in her late 80s, and Bob was in his mid-90s. You get the idea.
There is no guarantee of mortal life tomorrow.
How, then, shall we live?
In The Road to Character David Brooks distinguished two types of virtue. “Resume virtues” are the ones our society pays attention to. They include external markers of success like income, fame, and status. “Eulogy virtues” are different. We reflect on them at a person’s memorial: virtues like compassion, courage, grace, humility, love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and faithfulness.
We know that we should strive to live according to the eulogy virtues. The challenge is to determine how we should act. One way to think about that is to consider the fruits of our lifetime.
What, then, shall we leave behind?
The story is told that when the wealthiest Rockefeller died, someone asked,” How much did he leave?”
“All of it.”
We evaluate the resume virtues by considering the cash and the keys, the physical artifacts of life. Yet, within a few years, the cash will be spent, and the keys will be traded for other keys. We evaluate the resume virtues by assessing fame and achievement. But those are fleeting. How many of us remember who won a Nobel Prize, a pinnacle of achievement, even two years ago?
Legacy is a central theme of this blog, so you can expect to be reminded of your lasting impact. Legacy is what others think, say, and do because of your influence. You create your legacy day by day and action by action.
Choosing a Role Model
Perhaps within the last 90 days, you’ve been refreshed by or met someone new who modeled a trait that you would like to grow within yourself. Consider them as a guide.
Think of that person. What made them admirable? Maybe now they can leap over a tall building in a single bound, yet they probably lacked that skill earlier. Perhaps you know what transformed their character or reoriented their compass. You may not be able to describe the catalyst, but you may recognize a few small ways you could inch toward their example.
Recently, I was inspired by Dr. Peter Attia. In the closing chapter of his fascinating book Outlive, he described how he consciously reframed his nuclear waste level self-talk with titanium determination. He slammed the brakes on damaging self-descriptions and instead sought to imagine what he would say to his best friend if the friend had made the same goof. Both the words and the tone were far gentler and more compassionate.
Some Questions as We Enter a New Year
As you recall the last few weeks, who were a couple of people you would like to imitate?
What two or three things could you do to shift from what you want to minimize and move toward who you were created to be?
Within the last few years, several people of faith have asked me, “Who does God want you to be?” Second, they asked, “What do you think He wants you to do?”
Whether you believe in a creator or not, if you first focus on being and then on doing, it will probably make you more joyful, reduce your stress, and increase the likelihood that the people around you will appreciate, enjoy, forgive, and support you in the years ahead.
Next year, maybe you’ll be among the people others look forward to seeing. Next year, perhaps they will be delighted with the new you.
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Feedback time. If you make no change, will you be pleased with next year’s you? If you want an improved version of yourself, who might help you achieve that goal?
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Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.”