If you want a challenge, here is one. Seek out people who disagree with you and have conversations with them. That sounds like quite a challenge in today’s world, but the potential payoff is enormous.
Reverend Timothy Keller put it better than I can. He said, “Friends become wiser together through a healthy clash of viewpoints.”
Seeking out diverse viewpoints is a part of thinking well.
Engaging with people with different opinions will take you way out of your comfort zone; that’s one reason we shy away from it. We seem to be more polarized and less tolerant than ever, which makes things even harder.
You must make the effort. Seek out people with different opinions and beliefs from you. You’ll probably connect with them over things that you have in common. Maybe you both love cooking, or your kids play on the same soccer team. Perhaps you both play golf or are members of a book club.
Find people you have some common ground with even though you differ. Identify the ones who seem smart and reasonable, even though you see things differently. Then, reach out to them. Don’t rush things. Relationships and trust take time. You may have to work at it, but you can disagree without being disagreeable.
Have conversations, not contests.
Stay curious. Remember that your purpose is for you and your friend to grow wiser together. You want to learn from each other, not win the other person over to your way of thinking.
Focus on common ground. You probably agree on much more than you think. So, look for areas of common interest and the ways you and the other person agree on beliefs and values. Start your conversations from there.
Active listening is a power tool.
Adopt a mindset of genuine interest in the other person’s perspective. You want to understand their viewpoint, so pay attention to it. Listen intently to what the other person says. Then, ask questions to deepen your understanding.
Express your interest by paying attention. Nod. Send oral signals that communicate your interest. These can be words like “Okay” or sounds like “Um-hmmm.”
Check your understanding by paraphrasing what you hear. Ask the other person if your summary is close to what they meant. If it was off by a lot, revise your summary and ask if that version is what they said.
Don’t expect this to be easy. Seeking out people who think differently from you is an unnatural act. You will have to make the effort. It will often be uncomfortable. But the result is understanding you can get no other way.
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Can you think of three people who you would like to understand better?
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Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.”