I’ve got some persistent flaws. If you don’t have any, skip this post … and see a therapist about your delusion of perfection. 

My spouse is God’s unique, precious gift to me. I am eternally grateful that He allowed me to marry above my station.

My two best male friends are articulate, courageous, compassionate, smart, and fun. They bring out the best and the boldest in me.  They are both serious about their attempt to live out righteousness.

I’m fortunate be part of the best work team in my life. They take their work with our clients seriously, but they don’t take themselves too seriously.

All these people have flaws, weirdness, and irritating quirks. So do I. So do you.

Sometimes we don’t understand that. It’s human nature to judge:

* ourselves by our intentions, 
* our family and friends by their actions and words, and 
* our competitors, enemies, and opponents by their mistakes.

I can complain to my wife about my two best male friends and how they aggravate me. I could rail to them about how my wife falls short of perfection. I can complain to everyone about the unique flaws of my teammates. 

That might make me feel better for a minute, but I don’t think it would change much. Is there something I can do that will make things better? 

I can’t change anyone else, but I can try to do better. I can stumble toward the man God wants me to be. Here’s what I’ll attempt.

For the people I care about, I’ll offer to minimize a few of my irritating peculiarities. I’ll invite them to gently nudge me when I fall into my established but unhelpful routines. I hope they graciously call me out my shortcomings and help me learn more appropriate and mature behavior.

If they’re willing to hear, I’ll offer some notions for their consideration. Some of my notions will be nonsense, wrong, or too difficult. Perhaps others who care about them will have mentioned similar hopes. Maybe they will recognize a better way to relate to people they care about. I won’t ask for a character or personality transplant.

They may gleefully seize and perfectly adopt my wishes or ignore them. I’ll still try to be worthy to be Sandy’s husband and my buddies’ friend.

What’s your method for improving your relationships and your communication? I really need to know because what I tolerated in the past is not good enough for me and the people I care about.


Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.