Will and I have shared many breakfasts over the last five years. We visit about life, our common interests, and swap stories, with many of them true.
The last time we met, Will’s daughter, Danielle, joined us for breakfast. Danielle announced that she had accepted an early retirement package. Last year, she and her husband put money down for an RV and would be taking delivery soon. They were eager to explore our national parks, the open roads, and the many other interesting sites in our country.
Because of Danielle’s retirement, part of our conversation was about shifting from success to significance. Success is about winning, acquiring wealth, power, and/or fame. Significance is about investing in others; making a difference that will last beyond you. Significance is usually about giving time, talent, or treasure to people who can never repay. Significance is also about your calling. Your vocation is what you are paid to do. Your calling is what you are made to do.
Will, Danielle, and I know each other well enough that there was some mutual admiration. Will and I commend Danielle for her gentle and sacrificial love for her mom. Danielle’s mom suffers from bad choices. She is able to look past mom’s quirks and flaws and chooses to love her mom, regardless.
Danielle and I commended Will for his prudence and integrity. He has never earned a high income, but he is one of those people who rubs two nickels together and creates a dollar. He lives frugally in one of his rentals. His net worth is probably greater than the combination of everyone else who lives within three blocks of him. We encouraged Will to upgrade his home for his comfort. It was hard for him to acknowledge that the kitchen and bathroom improvements that would help him live more comfortably would also have value after he was gone.
Danielle is wealthy and independent of her dad. Within a decade, her share of Will’s estate will probably triple or quadruple her net worth. She chooses to own her wealth and won’t let the wealth own her.
That coffee and calories were good for me. The reflections were far better. Will has flaws, as we all do. He sobered up decades ago and became a much better person. Danielle caught some of the best of her dad. Based on what they said it was obvious that he deliberately taught her a lot about money and valuing others. He modeled a good, but certainly not a perfect life.
Part of what I learned by writing my book is to lead a life worth imitating, you must choose to lead a life worth imitating. It will not happen by accident. You cannot drift into it.
The life you choose to live will set an example for others, but that’s not enough. You must let the people you care about know what you are doing. At least as important, tell your family why you do what you do. Tell them what your family will never do, because of “who we are”. Bring your kids to meetings with accountants, brokers, lawyers, and tradespeople so they learn to be wise stewards of wealth and decent people.
You can engage with experts, ask questions, and discuss the issue and make a choice that will often, but not always, match the professional advice you trust. This shows kids the value of experts and that experts are not bosses. You can demonstrate maturity by learning from your offspring and having the confidence to ask for and accept help.
How about you? What does your family do well in sharing and teaching good values to the next generation? What did you learn from your parents, uncles, and aunts? How can you ensure your best values live in your family after you exit?
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Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.”