We are all 30 years older than we were 30 years ago. Many of us have changed vocations, locations, and often many more things. Our family or health situation may have changed dramatically. We know enough of life to aspire to something better than our current reality.
In this post, I will share tools that have helped me define and create a better situation. I don’t promise that you’ll become the master of your fate. I won’t offer ten steps that can take you anywhere you can imagine. The tools aren’t magic, but they can help you achieve a better life.
These tools have worked for me and many other people. They’ll probably work for you.
What were you created to be?
Many people who write about creating a better life suggest that you define your goals. That’s pretty easy. You ask yourself, “What do I want?” Then you record what you tell yourself, and you’re done. It’s easy, but you skip critical self-analysis.
Determining what you were created to be is harder. There isn’t a reference book. You can’t look it up. Instead, you must discover it. Once you do, you have the basis for deciding what outcomes matter for you.
My father, Bill, lived by principles like patience, graciousness, and the Golden Rule. He never wrote those down or talked about them. But you could watch how he lived and understand what he thought was important.
Thinking about my father and other people I admire, I began to understand my own values. I knew some of my role models, like Judge Bill McCurrine. I read about others, like William Wilberforce.
There’s no template for this. Every one of us is unique, so you and I will have different answers.
What outcomes do you want?
Identifying your values and the kind of person you choose to be is helpful. But it’s only part of the process. You must also determine which outcomes you intend to pursue.
The process is straightforward. Develop a short list of different outcomes, then choose which trade-off you prefer. Arthur Brooks, author of Strength to Strength: Finding Happiness, Success, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, suggests four things to get you started. They are money/wealth, power, pleasure, and honor.
The key is to identify trade-offs between a very few activities, character traits, results, or skills, which are most important to you, not your boss, family, or neighbors. Which would you choose if you could have all of one and none of the other?
One tradeoff I considered was a great marriage versus brokerage success. I chose a great marriage. The next step was to see if my idea of a better life matched reality.
Do a reality check.
Cal Newport writes and speaks about living “the deep life.” Many of the questions listeners send in to his “Deep Questions” podcast are about how to make a big life pivot. Newport suggests that his listeners test their idea against reality.
Determine whether you really want the goal. Identify someone who is living out the most important facet of the life you desire. Examine their everyday life and decide if that’s what you really want.
I knew several people who have good marriages. I’ve read about others. What I observed were lives that were what I aspired to. At first, it seemed easy enough to do.
How are you doing?
When I declared that if I had to have all of one and none of the other, I would choose a great marriage over brokerage success, my coach suggested some further analysis. “Let’s look at your calendar and your checkbook,” the coach said. “Then we’ll see if you’re living up to your choice today.”
That was a humbling moment. I realized that choosing wasn’t enough. I had to change my behavior to line up with my choices. That’s the hard part.
We all aspire to a better life, and there are four things we must do to pivot in that direction. We must determine who we’re created to be. We must choose among important values and decide what’s most important for us. Then we must check to see if there are lives in the real world that look like what we aspire to. Finally, we must do what’s necessary to pivot to the life we desire.
Finally, and this is the tough part, we have to change our behavior to match our aspirations.
~
What are your thoughts? What has and has not worked for you and several other real people that you know?
Thanks for sharing!
-o0o-
Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.”