The discussion was tense and should have been unnecessary. My two friends, whom I’ll call Able and Zed, were good guys who’d known each other for decades.
It’s easy to believe the worst of others.
For a generation, once a month, they worked at a public relations /merchandise sales table for a local nonprofit. Each also gave time and money to the cause that the other was not aware of.
Like the rest of us, each gets emotionally hijacked sometimes. and doesn’t hear, much less understand what the other side says. So it was with “fairness.”
Able was troubled that Zed rarely talked about unfairness. Able felt an obligation to condemn unfairness even when neither Able nor any of his hearers could have any impact on the oppressors. Zed’s communication style differed. He knew most unfairness was far beyond his control. He saw no value in publicly condemning bad guys who wouldn’t know or care about his opinion.
Since Able seldom heard Zed condemn or rail against unfairness, he feared that Zed was hardhearted. Able waited decades to ask Zed about this seeming lack of concern about worldwide unfairness.
Zed was surprised that over the last generation, Able had not heard or recalled Zed’s few, short disappointments, which Zed mentioned whenever Able moaned about unfairness. My two buddies reconciled when each man understood his friends’ perspectives and actions.
Many of us believe that actions speak louder than words.
There is a story told about Gandhi. A Hindu man approached him in anguish and guilt. The Hindu had accidentally killed a Muslim father. The Hindu asked Gandhi how to assuage his guilt. The wise leader paused, thought, and then said, “Adopt the Muslims’ son.” The Hindu gasped.
“Then raise him as a Muslim.” The Hindu looked up in shocked silence. After a minute he bowed his head and walked away.
Psalm 35 which is read by Jews and Christians, contains the lament of a God-fearing man who is persecuted and harassed by his enemies, who oppose him without reason. They hound him and harass him when he is ill. The writer of Psalm 35 claims that when his enemies are sick or in trouble, the writer prays for them and sincerely regrets their distress. The Psalmist praises the Almighty for rewarding the righteous.
Gandhi’s challenge would have imposed a culturally and socially difficult burden on the Hindu who had accidentally killed the Muslim. The author of Psalm 35 claims a level of sacrifice that most of us would find difficult to imagine and few of us would be able to sustain. Two different faith traditions both call on their faithful to do something.
Gandhi’s challenge and Psalm 35 both call for sacrifice far beyond anything I’ve done. I admire people who can make such sacrifices but a lot of good in the world happens because of people whose actions are far less grand. My friends, Able and Zed, do much good and so do their wives, whom I call Grace and Joy.
Joy makes quilts for families that she will never see and has taught literacy to a refugee mother, so mom could help her children with their homework. Grace has organized scores of volunteers for a generation to serve kids, many of whom come from disadvantaged homes.
No one can do everything. I admire people who do something, regardless of recognition.
What does this have to do with legacy?
Social media is full of people who present their lives as perfectly wonderful. Virtue signaling seems less likely to have an impact than some invisible kindness done on behalf of a person in need. Much in our world is vile, hurtful, and beyond our control.
Evil and cruel people exist, as do idiots. They get thousands of times as much press as the compassionate folks. Who will you focus on?
I hope that you will find some good thing to do for someone who suffers, regardless of whether you receive recognition. If millions showed some more kindness, our world would be a better place. You and I can’t stop all injustice, but we can all do something.
We each leave a bit of legacy each week. Let’s make our bit count for good.
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How do you deal with unfairness that you can’t prevent?
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Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.”