“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27)
That command from Jesus is hard to follow in normal times. Today, when we’ve become increasingly tribal, and after an election season more divisive and hate-filled than any I can remember, it’s even harder to love your “enemies.” But it’s worth doing.
America voted on Tuesday and elected Donald Trump as the next President of the United States. I estimate that a third of Americans are jubilant, another third are distraught, and the rest just hope all the meanness and name-calling will stop.
That doesn’t appear to be happening, though. We can’t count on other people to restore civility to our world. But we can control what we can and make sure we’re not part of the problem.
Disagreeable Disagreement
Increasingly, we imagine those who disagree with us as enemies, not rivals or people of goodwill with a different opinion. A decade ago, I could have a conversation with people of either political persuasion. They would be civil and forceful advocates for their perspective. They could acknowledge that a few people on the other side were sensible, intelligent, and had a good heart.
Not today. Today, the trend seems to be toward dehumanizing people who disagree with us. Professor Alexander Theodoridis reported on two “broadly representative national studies” he and other researchers conducted.
“Seventy-seven percent of our respondents rated their political opponents as less evolved than members of their own party. Respondents who considered themselves strong partisans were more likely to dehumanize opposing partisans, and Republicans and Democrats were equally likely to dehumanize their opponents.”
Our parents and grandparents saw themselves as Americans. In a national crisis, their default setting was, “We are all in this together.” Now, too many of us believe that the other side has caused the bulk of the problems, and THEY (the other side) should pay for it.
What Changed My Outlook
Years ago, a friend suggested I watch a TED talk called “Wrongology.” Katheryn Schulz spoke about what she learned writing her book, Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error. It was one of the most profound revelations of my adult life.
Schulz described how many of us act when we encounter someone who disagrees with us. First, we assume that the person is poorly informed. We think they will understand and agree with us once we explain the truth. Thinking that way kills communication, and it seems to become more common every day. I see it more and more on social media and in regular conversations. Election season appeared to make the hatred explode.
What We Can Do
Restoring civility requires a conscious effort to cultivate empathy and understanding. We must move beyond seeing those who disagree with us as caricatures of “the other side” and recognize them as complex individuals with valid experiences and perspectives. This won’t happen automatically. We must make an intentional and often uncomfortable effort.
Become a skeptical information consumer. Be critical of the information you consume, particularly on social media. Seek out diverse news sources that present a range of perspectives. Approach others with respect, humility, and a willingness to consider alternative viewpoints.
Expose yourself to people with diverse viewpoints. It’s hard, but you can seek out others who see things differently from you and converse with them. Strive to do your part to have a conversation, not a contest.
Focus on common ground. You probably agree on more than you think. If you try, you can almost always find areas of common interest and agreements on beliefs and values. Start your conversation from there.
It’s Up to Us
This is one of those situations where no one is coming to save us. We must be part of the change if we want the world to change.
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Have you experienced an increase in incivility in the last decade?
What are you willing to do to make things better?
-o0o-
Terry Moore, CCIM, is the author of Building Legacy Wealth: How to Build Wealth and Live a Life Worth Imitating. Read his “Welcome to My Blog.”